microaggressions:

My husband and I both have doctoral degrees; he earned one degree and I earned two. But written correspondence from friends, family, and community organizations is almost invariably addressed to “Dr. and Mrs.”

(via bucadilexi)

"GENTLEMEN, WE ARE AT WAR WITH TROY AND MUST NOT DROP OUR GUARD AT ALL"

"sir, the enemy gave us a giant wooden horse"

"oh rad bring it in"

(Source: neptunain, via jawnlocke)

"Funny girls like you don’t get boyfriends. Funny girls like you get boys who are friends who want to date your boring pretty friends but also have you around to make them laugh."
- My mother - selawa (via lobstersandlilly)

(via 526482)

neither:

I’d fuck marry and kill myself

(via rivianna)