shacklesburst:

you, a doctor: *handing me my new born baby* I’m sorry but your wife didn’t make it

me, an intellectual: *handing baby back to him* bring me the one my wife made

(via confirmance)

methproblem:

rupsidaisy:

Did Jordin Sparks ever figure out how to breathe with no air

when was the last time u heard anything about jordin sparks. i rest my case

(via confirmance)

sexysuggestion:

give me the look that says “just wait until we’re alone”

(via confirmance)

luxtempestas:

peak liberalism is asking the consumer class to ‘go green’, recycle, and turn off their lights for an hour each year to save the planet instead of telling the agricultural/oil industry and multi-billion corporations to cut out 99% of the shit they’re pulling every single hour of every day

(Source: despazito, via confirmance)

somaddicouldscream:

When you’re daydreaming about kinky shit in public and you suddenly you’re like “what if someone here’s a mind reader!!!”

(via tyleroakley)

daeneryus:

you can say “leggings aren’t pants” as much as you want. you can shout it from a rooftop. you can make it into a big obnoxious neon sign. you can write it in skywriting way up in the sky. i won’t care. i will still be out there, somewhere, wearing leggings as pants and not caring

(Source: filmeditors, via confirmance)

caelumrising:

im glad gay people ruined rainbows for homophobic christians

(via bucadilexi)